Today the world has gone a little mad because a couple of inches of snow has fallen on my bit of the country, and that has made the police go out to warn the public to “Be Careful” and prepare for a winter Armageddon School closed early, and will probably remain closed for now. With a bit of luck, it will be closed on Monday as well, which mean that we might get a three and a half day weekend.
The Head Master motivated the school closure with “the severe weather situation”, and I’m looking out of the window and seeing a gentle snow-fall. It just goes to show the different expectations people have in different places of the world. The contrast between those expectations is quite funny.
This, what I would call a mild snow-fall, becomes extreme weather. But I’m glad for the snow. At least we have some for a day or two or three, or for however long it lasts before the temperature creep back up to ten C again.
***
Now that I’m no longer a potential candidate that will bolster this school’s chances of placing someone in Oxbridge, the Student Councillor and the Year Tutor seem to have lost interest in me.
I met them yesterday, and instead of the usual discussion about how to prepare and what I could do, the meeting took five minutes, and I never got the chance to ask what I could do next.
It was all polite and that, but there is a disinterested politeness and there’s a needy politeness. I suppose I’m no longer someone to hold up in the prospectuses as an Oxbridge placement, in order to get more people to enroll here later.
Or that is a very cynical thought, but then again, when it comes to the school positions and league tables, I’ve always been suspicious of the motives. It is hard to describe the dual nature of this school. On the one hand, the teaching is exemplary in my opinion, although I haven’t had much experience of other schools. On the other hand they’re so obsessed with league tables and positions and scores.
For those that fail to achieve the scores while there is a chance to improve, they pour resources and man-power to improve prospects. But why? Is it to help the students, or is it to keep the standards up of the totality of the school? For us failures that nothing can help, we’re left to graduate quietly. I suppose. But that might be one of those cynical thoughts again.
***
I’m being unreasonable. My literature teacher speculated that it might have been my special classes last year that signalled a lack of knowledge in the subject. Because I needed help catching up with the other students, it might have signalled that I had a lacking of something in my literature knowledge. Then she praised me, and that made me feel better.
Praise from people I respect mean a fair bit, after all. And I really respect her because while she is such a bitch sometimes, she knows her stuff and is incredibly fair.
I’ve been sort of blessed with knowing a couple of teachers like that. My old music teacher back in Sweden was sort of like that. She loved her subject, and demanded respect for the subject, and demanded that we work our asses off for her approval. And we did, because if we did get the approval it meant that we were approved by someone that obviously knew their stuff. The approval had meaning.
***
The relationship I have with my parents came under stark illumination after I was rejected. Mum tried to tell me that there were other options. Dad started to speculate that if I had stayed in Sweden, I could have gotten into the Swedish version of Oxbridge – Lund or Uppsala Universities.
I am so sick and tired of running like a hamster in a wheel. I am seriously considering just aiming for a good mark at the A-levels, and then take some time off to figure out what the hell I’m going to do next. At this moment, I don’t have a flipping clue.
Now I’m going to take Mark out in the snow, make snow angels, and kiss him on the nose in the dark because at least there’s one thing I know about my life. There’s one constant. There’s one fixture. It’s hard to believe that in little over six months he’ll be my husband.
I can’t wait.
It’s a funny thing but when I declared a lack of interest in trying for an Oxbridge place, my school reacted similarly. I wasn’t important any more. This was long before the days of league tables, but it was an independent “public school” whose results were important to convince rich people that it was a good place to send their kids. It wasn’t, in my opinion! But that’s another story.
I think you might do well to take some time out once you’ve got those A-levels out of the way. Taking a step back will help you assess things and maybe see a broader picture. Important decisions are best made in a less pressured situation.
For now, go and have some fun in the snow while it lasts
Sounds to me that you have the real priorities about right Colin. There truly are many other options out there, and now that you have time to poke your head up and look – without the joker hanging over your head – you just may find something you really *want* to do.
As for snow, you can have mine (and the -20F that goes with it). But if you want to see a real circus with two inches of snow, visit Washington, D.C. About half the people there at any one time have never dealt with it. Hilarious stuff.
Institutions think about league tables, teachers [by and large] think about students. You’re not being cynical exactly, just starting to accept that this is how the world /actually/ works.
Now I have a question. Why literature? I see you as someone who may make ‘literature’. I don’t see you as someone who would be happy pouring over the works of others and analyzing the life out of the words. Is it the process you love? Or the works themselves? Big difference.
I love talking about the books I read, and this seems to be the education that lets me do that professionally in some capacity. I might not write a lot about the books I read, but I certainly do talk about them a lot. I think I’ve worn Mark’s ears off about books that fire me up (or that leave me stone cold or annoyed). I might not write a lot because I do that so much in school that I don’t want to do it here. So, I don’t know. It’s not so much about over-analysing things. It’s more about reading books and writing book reports. Reading and writing. I guess.
Maybe it’s time for ‘Colin’s Reviews’? I’m serious.
Have you checked Thomas blog? He does this well. I think it would be so much copy-cating if I did it now.
Just checked out his blog and he does do it well but reviewing is, past a certain point, a very subjective art. You and Thomas are different people so even if you both reviewed the same book, the perspectives you bring to it would be different, and interesting.
Fine. I’ll admit it. I did it. I made a series of calls to make sure you wouldn’t get in. It’s part of my plan to eventually adopt you or turn you and Mark into my houseboys. I haven’t decided which yet.
HaaaaHaaaaHaaaa (that’s an evil laugh)
So this is some kind of thing that Mike would be really upset about, and complain about slaves?
You’re too pale to be my slaves
, but yes- same category of humour 
Haha, you must have been here last year when England fell apart over a couple of inches of snow though? We do it every year, it’s traditional!
I’d say that the idea of doing your best at A-levels (obviously) and then stopping to take stock could be your better option, so long as you have something ‘valid’ to do during what would become your gap year. What to do after that? Do what YOU want to do Colin, not what’s expected of you. If you’re doing something that’s not fully for you, you won’t be doing it or enjoying it to the fullest extent, and what would be the point of that?
Enjoy your snow days with your man!
Introspection is a good way to make use of milestones in the journey of life. I truly believe you are multi-talented with a wonderful life ahead of you. I once faced a milestone like yours. I started my post secondary education studying nursing. I knew I wanted to help people but realized nursing wasn’t going to work. So, I switched majors and studied Behavioral Science. This opened the door for amazing job opportunities. I really believe that when one door closes another opens. You have a very bright future ahead of you. I look forward reading more about your journey. Thanks for taking us along for the ride.
Hugs,
JerBear
In the South, everyone runs out to buy bread and milk when there’s a hint of snow. Same illogical responses.
Ditto ACFlory’s comments on institutions and teachers, and I’ve been on both sides of it. Having been a literature student, though, I think you’d fit in fabulously. The study of literature encompasses all subjects, so it’s well suited to someone like you who is interested in many things.
When I didn’t get into Duke, there was no Mark to make things better. I’m glad you’re together.