I have done absolutely nothing today, and leafing through my calendar the days stare back empty at me. No appointments; no little meetings to encourage the beaver to be busy. Just no thing to attend to, to meet up for, to discuss, or to consider – and it feels awesome.
This week was the culmination of about a month of stress, with the holiday break in the middle, and I did the last of the tests that I have to do. Now, until June there’s really nothing that I have to fret about. The hamster is out of the hamster wheel, and I should have space and time again to write. Maybe to start a new novel. Maybe to actually try to finish my little game project.
I haven’t written anything substantial for so long that I’m wondering if I still can do it. Maybe the gears in my head have rusted shut, and I can’t use any bolt-cutters and machinery to remove the mental padlocks and spider webs.
Things are winding down then, and it actually feels quite nice. I can live my ambitions through Mark, and be either the supporting one or the nagging one. But he hasn’t received the response yet, so we’re eagerly awaiting it. End of January, right? It is the end of the month now, and there’s just a few days left of it.
Yeah, I can be the black-haired bimbo that live up to ambitions that I won’t be able to fulfil myself. I’ll be the trophy boyfriend, with the rich and successful scientist man in ten years time when my money has run out and his are starting to pile up.
No, that is a joke. I don’t actually think that. It’s just that I don’t have a flipping clue about what to do next while Mark still is in da zone with his ambitions and dreams. His haven’t been derailed yet, and I don’t think they will be. While my application was one of the first to get sorted out into the bin, they’re still mulling over his, right?
I’m trying to think of what life will be like this autumn. We’ll be married, but he’ll be away for weeks at a time. What will that be like? It’s not something that I look forward to. I’ll be doing my own humdrum stint here at the local university, so I can’t really go with him, can I?
People gave me money today when I sang. I was jamming with a few of the girls outside school, and this couple passed by and tossed us two quid into my school bag. I may be up in front of the Magistrate for license violations. I think you need a license to do busking here.
Still, it’s the first time anyone has given me any money for my singing, so I’m a bit pleased by it. At least someone out there appreciate my singing enough to part with hard earned cash for it. Maybe I could delude myself into thinking that I’m a singer, when my attempt at reaching the pinnacles of academia is going nowhere right now.
It is Friday. Things are back to normal. Maybe I’ll now not feel guilty about leaving this blog be for days at a time because I can’t find anything to say that sounds remotely interesting to you lot. I hope so.