Why is life so complicated? Sometimes it seems that it should be a simple one of cause and effect, but it never is. There are always variables; pressure points that you can’t see but which push and pull on this life so that it’s twisted beyond any form of recognition.
All it ever does is leave you sitting there with a stupid look on your face, and possibly drool on your chin, because obviously I’m not clever or smart enough for this life. I can never, really, understand anything. I’m always left confused, in the end. It becomes more of a thing to shrug and dismiss something because I don’t understand it, than it is to get it.
Will that ever improve? I hope so. Feeling this inadequate is silly.
So, I want to help my friend, but he doesn’t want to talk to me about that which he should be helped with. That’s it, then? It’s none of my business. He’s clearly indicated that. It should be enough for me. Right?
But that thing I think he should be helped with is also like one of those invisible variables that is going to tug and pull at my friend, and me, and dictate our relationship from here on. Even if we never speak of it, it will be there.
At least Mark is home now. I can try to talk to him about it. But he has no involvement in it, and his dismissal is the same basic idea that I had, and I feel like I can’t dismiss it. So, my stupid hang-ups becomes another of those invisible variables.