Maybe my dabbling in art is just a big indulgence that has no utility?

I have a dilemma that I’ve been turning over in my head today. It is whether art is indulgent, or if it has an external value, or if it is a bit of both. I suppose what I am asking myself if art has a utility beyond the indulgence of doing it?

If we divide existence into two questions for the restless mind, the two questions are: ‘What is?’ and ‘What if?’. The first question is the realm of science, reason, and the urge to know how things actually work. The second question is a speculative one to contrast what works, with what could be. This is the realm of art, of fancy, or imagination. Art is a case study of the alternative, in a way.

But questions, in my mind, tend to feed off each other. Without the ‘what if?’ you can’t reach a place where you can start to ask ‘What is?’. The other way is true as well. You can’t ask the ‘what if’ in a vacuum, and need to jump from answers that the ‘What is?’-question has answered.

That is how it seems to me, and that is why I generally don’t put one question above the other. I think they are equally important. They are like two dogs chasing each others’ tails, if you will. They are the true yin and yang of existence, without bringing in silly supernatural things into it.

My game is a push into art that isn’t too familiar for me, and that is where the dilemma came in. It just struck me that sitting here doing the coding and the tinkering was a fairly indulgent thing. Why am I doing it? Does it have utility?

Should it have utility?

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In a way I used to rebel against my mother’s rationality and non-artsyness. Sometimes I wonder if my attempt to become a writer isn’t a big elaborate teenage rebellion against the clockwork universe of engineering and science. It does so often place so little value on beauty and the ephemeral.

Other times I suspect that I’m hoping to marry my mother via the proxy of Mark, because who do I fall so for but another version of the champion of the clockwork universe of engineering and science? But at least Mark indulges me, and things our discussions about these sort of things, are interesting.

I’m not certain that anyone else think odd thinking like this is interesting.

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We haven’t done a thing today that’s worth mentioning. We’re in after-trip recuperation mode. 😀

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