Mark said something good the other day that I’ve been thinking about a lot. He said “the hardest demands to live up to are the ones we put to ourselves”.
What he meant by that is that we demand such perfection from ourselves, and our image of ourselves is coloured by how we live up to the goals. When we don’t achieve one hundred percent of our goals, it is considered a failure – even though we went ninety-five percent toward achieving what we set out to do.
I don’t have to get A* in all my subjects, and not getting A* in all my subjects is not a failure. Not being admitted to Cambridge is not a failure. The running in the hamster wheel is of my own making, and stepping outside of it – leaner and fitter – doesn’t mean that I’m like I was two or three years ago.
I only have to get regular A’s and B’s to get into the local university here. I have that already. I don’t have to run in the hamster wheel any longer. I can slow down, take it easy, enjoy things. I will even have time to get back into singing again, and not constantly put that aside as an unnecessary “luxury” that I can do later.
How the hell have I failed? I have Mark, I live here, I have the present, I have a future, and I have a pretty good past.Time to get a party started, I think. I deserve one.