So I come home from school – I’m tired and worn, and just want to spend a couple of hours doing absolutely nothing but easing down into a book or a film. I want to forget the world, and the day that’s been. I want to crawl under a bed, or hide with the dogs close by.
Then when I come home, there’s a pot brewing on the bench in the kitchen, and the smell of scones in the oven, and this bright bright smile that welcome me home from school. Never mind that five minutes later that smile is turned into a mockery as he teases me about today’s big even, but in that moment – when I come home there’s just that shiny shiny smile, and I know he’s happy to see me.
And do you know what? That feeling you get in those moments is the best in the world. The feeling takes away every little pain and displeasure. The feeling takes away all the grey that accumulate in a day, and make the day wonderful. Tiredness pour off you. It may come back later. But in that moment, it just goes away.
And when he does that, he’s so beautiful that I almost burst into tears right there and then because obviously I could never really earn that feeling. I could never deserve it. No mere mortal down here in the pit of the day to day struggle to be a human does, really. But there it is, in me, and he put it there.
I don’t fucking care if that makes me sound twee, silly, and emotional. I don’t fucking care if saying that makes people cringe. That sledgehammer that leave me breathless sometimes, and make me warm and fuzzy, and prone to climb a high building to scream things from the roof-tops, is working hard.
I don’t care, because he is so fucking beautiful tonight.