Sometimes I wish that I had a more forward streak in me, a streak that didn’t hold me back to wait for others to take the first step so that I could follow the lead. The school concert is on again, and today when there was a call for volunteers, I didn’t take that step, and so I was never even asked.
Last year I was asked to sing in the school concert. I sang ‘Somewhere’ from West Side Story, and i did really well. I can actually belt out show-tunes like the best of them. I am part of a house-hold that can break into song when things like Grease come up on the telly. My previous offerings on this blog have been more muted, but it’s all about the diaphragm!
I wanted to volunteer because I love being on stage, and I love to sing, and I love to perform, and I think that I am good at it. I know I can do it, and that thing in me that isn’t forward or outgoing sort of disappear and that creature ‘Colin the Singer’ can emerge for a bit and make me feel so good.
But the other Colin, the socially awkward guy, never rush into something first, but always hold back and wait for someone else to be the leader. He is the one who loses these opportunities. So now, I’m not auditioning for the spring concert, and there is a bunch of people (not me) that the teacher selected to try out because nobody volunteered.
Now I will have to talk to the teacher and tell her that I actually really, really want to sing, and then I’m going to sound like a really needy type. “Why didn’t you volunteer when I asked?” She will ask, and I won’t have a good answer. But I really want to do it. Instead of making it easy on myself, and just raise my hand when asked, I have to make all this extra trouble just to get the chance to perform.
But Mark is making pan-cakes today. Or rather he’s making crepes with mushroom and ham filling, and when he makes those they’re always so good that it makes me hungry just thinking about it. But I’m forbidden to go to the kitchen when he makes pan-cakes, because I just steal them from the plate before he serves them.
In three days it’s Easter Break. Yay.