I spent most of last evening and today continuing the work on my new novella, and because of the short time frame I have to finish about forty thousand words. It struck me how strange this activity. It’s a bit mad, it is.
Writing fiction is a strange activity, in a way. Sometimes I think of the whole process as a kind of madness. As if it was a mental disorder that have a lot in common with delusions and hallucinations. I joke that I have a lot of imaginary friends that nobody else can see.
As long as these imaginary friends do not jump out of my head, and as long as I don’t see them in my normal space, it’s probably fine. It wouldn’t be, though, if I went downstairs to talk to Mark, and then saw ‘Jack’ stand next to him.
As long as ‘Jack’ and the rest of the mind crew only runs around in my head, I shouldn’t have to seek medical and psychological help. Or maybe this is just something that I tell myself so that I don’t have to draw the inevitable conclusion that I’m quite mad.
This way I can say that ‘Jack’ and the others are an aspect of my art and my creativity. That said, I really sometimes think that it should be classified as a mental disorder – what else reason could there be for hunching over a keyboard for hours and relate the lives of the little people in your head? That’s something for The Sims player, not for serious artistes.
I have tried to explain myself to Mark but lack the words to adequately describe how vivid and alive the characters in my head feel, and how strong the camera in my mind’s eye is when it follows these characters around to record their lives in every detail.
I see films in my head and I see them nearly as clearly as I see any real person. I have a perfect vision of their appearance, and I recognise the sounds of their voices, and they have distinct mannerisms and articulation.
I think I should shut up now before you lot send the nice gentlemen in the white coats to have a nice chat with me, and bring me to the nice place with the nice big lawns and the happy little pills that will make me feel so much better about everything.