The in-laws have visited us today, both to meet the new cat, and to catch up with Mark and me about things in person. I always enjoy their visits because they’re good, down-to Earth people. But today I was quietly upset with my mother-in-law-to-be because when we related the plans for our wedding she became maudlin’ about having hoped for grandchildren and all that.
I think that my reaction is really unfair toward my mother-in-law-to-be because she isn’t trying to push Mark to be straight, and she has accepted long ago that he’s not, and she has been our champion in so many things.
But I also think it is unfair of her to voice her disappointment about a future that was never going to be, not even when Mark was six and still battled with Stephen over action-figures. I am angry that she didn’t keep that to herself, and instead chose to air it in the context of mine and Mark’s wedding-plans.
I feel really conflicted, and I told Mark this, and he just shrugged it off saying that it’s nothing. Maybe it is nothing, and maybe I’m overreacting, but it felt like her dream future for Mark was the optimal one, and this one that we have together is not. He has been out for nearly four years, and he’s been with me for nearly two so maybe it’s time to park those broken dreams of hers into some corner of her mind, and not bring them out any more? And certainly not to compare those dreams more favourably than what Mark and I have now?
So, I had to get away for a while because people don’t like me when I’m angry. I had to retreat the office with the excuse that I was going to do some homework, which I already finished yesterday.
Auntie was over here as well, and we had one of those dinners we used to have when I lived in my aunt’s cellar. It felt good, despite the emotional outbursts. I have missed those. Mark made Shephard’s Pie, and we dented my wine-collection again, which means I have to refill it one of these days.