I spoke to my dad for the first time in quite a while yesterday evening, and it was because I gave him a ring. We have fallen into a habit of not speaking to each other unless it is something about my savings and my funds, which he is managing. But we don’t really speak about ourselves, it’s so business, and so I made a point to give him a ring, and now I’m not sure it was such a good idea.
I have such a different relationship with dad. Mum makes a point to call me every other day, and we can chat for ten or twenty minutes about this and that. Sometimes she wants me to do something, other times she wants to know something, and most of the time she wants to know how I am doing, how Mark is doing, how the dogs are doing, or even if Spikey the cactus is still coping with us.
With dad, it almost require an excuse for us to talk to each other. Some paper needs a signature by this and that time; some tax thing needs attention; or this and that solicitor needs this and that information. Our queries into each others lives can be characterised by one-liners. “How are you doing?”, “Fine”, “Right, send me the paper when you’re done”, “Bye”, “Bye”. It’s funny that I almost miss how it used to be when he gave me regular calls to tell me to grow up.
Things were kind of nice when they were here, and I thought that we had settled into some kind of grown up relationship, whatever that means, but since they went back to Sweden we’ve fallen into the old habits again. I don’t really want things to be like this, and I’m kinda sorta feel a bit rejected, but that is an old and comfortable feeling because when I was a kid I suspected that the only reason he stuck around was that it would look really bad in the office if he abandoned everyone in his family.
Reading that last paragraph it sounds like I’m blaming him, but I think actually we’re both at fault, and we’re just not compatible as people. Isn’t that a horrid thing to say? Isn’t blood supposed to be thicker than water?
When Mark’s dad is here, I can get this intense jealousy about the relationship that Mark has with his parents. I have to go outside, or to the office, to hide that feeling because it’s not fair to anyone. Certainly not to Mark. I can’t begrudge that he has a normal family while mine is filled with careerists that only think about the job.
Dotted over the next few weeks I have the exams in my subject. The luck of the draw has made it so that my four subjects are dispersed between May 22nd and June 3rd. It is a comfortable pace, thus, to finish the year on. Nothing like the January exams which all happened on the same day.
After the exams I have the opportunity to go to Scotland to visit my uncle there and the cousins. I have started to look forward to that as I’ve never been to Scotland that I remember. I have an uncle near Stirling, and from the photos I’ve seen there are quite a few things to see. I have yet to say yes or no about going, because I want to plan the summer with Mark. So far, we have just concentrated on the exams, and haven’t really made any plans for anything.
Scotland could be our carrot, could it not? If we do well on the exams we can travel north and enjoy the fine Scottish cuisine: whiskey, turnips and haggis. Oh, and deep-fried Mars bars. Right? Right?