Aaron Carter, “I would”

One of the most embarrassing things about my blossoming out into the young, out homosexual that you see before you today, is the trigger that hurtled me down on the path into this blessed state. Folks, old album covers of Aaron Carter can unleash your inner homo. 

aaroncarterWhen you’re an impressionable twelve year old that has just started to segue into that scary and tumultuous period of everybody’s life called puberty, and if you are susceptible to a certain degree of idol worship, watch out. The oddest thing can set you off.

In my case it was the album “Ooh Aaron” from 2001, which I for some reason got my grubby little hands on in 2007 or something like that. For the first time my newly awakened libido overrode my sense of taste, and it certainly wouldn’t be the last time. I’d tell you to listen to the song I’ve posted from the offending album, but I’d rather you didn’t. You would have to cleanse your ears with industrial detergents later.

The worst thing was that during my brief infatuation with this unattainable person on the other side of the world, whose image knocked the stuffing out of me in the sudden new hormonal surges, I probably played that music and liked it.The image of Mr Carter was wrong even then because while Aaron was cute in 2001, by 2007 he was old. Well, relative to my tender age.

When I dug through my collection of actual discs earlier today, guess what I found? Yes, the album “Oh Aaron”. When I showed it to Mark and told Mark about the album’s impact, he just stared at me in horror. “Do I have to thank him?” He says, as if the thought of that is just too horrible to contemplate.

But I am a man of science and analysis and reflection, so I thought I’d put the album on and listen in on what the twelve-year-old, going on thirteen, Colin listened too. I had to turn it off after half a song because there are some boundaries you can not cross. Some things are just too bad to be considered science.

But it made me think about my curious entrance into the cadre of homosexuals, and while each has his or her own story to show how the sneaking suspicion that something was off about them at that age was triggered into full blown realisation, I can conclusively say that Aaron Carter triggered the homo in me. He was the one that pushed me across the line, and made me ask: what’s wrong with me?

Years later, this person who wrote this is the result. So, perhaps Mark has a point. Maybe you should all contact Aaron and thank him. Or threaten him with a lawsuit. I don’t know.

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