I am a bit worried about the state of Avon River today as I have been, on several occasions, giving Mark lingering long looks. According to David Silvester, councillor of UKIP in Oxfordshire, the recent flooding this country suffered was caused by same-sex marriage.

As a conscientious citizen of these isles, and as a guest of my mother’s, I am mindful not to cause distress and upset by too many lustful glances after Mark. Not to mention that my mother would kill me if I caused her cellar to flood because she has just had it fixed.

So, if gay people are rain gods that cause flooding, I don’t want to be rounded up and shipped to somewhere like the Sahara or Saudi Arabia where that sort of thing would be needed.

Joking aside, today has been a very quiet day spent mostly in silence, and with my nose in a book. Mark and my mother have discussed the nature of life, the universe, and fish. Mark wanted to go fishing, but we couldn’t find any rods and tackle for that. And with the threat of flooding from gay dealings, I’m not sure we should go anywhere near a body of water.

We’re going back south very early in the morning tomorrow, so this has to be a short update. Besides, the internet connection in this house is terrible. Yes, like now I can use the cables and the land line, but there’s no WiFi and the mobile phone coverage is very spotty for some reason.

Tomorrow Auntie, Mark’s parents, and the Brighton cousin is coming over to our house for a dinner to, again, celebrate Mark’s birthday. And we both have a couple of classes too. That is, if the River Avon does not burst its banks tonight, and bury us all under forty feet of water because of that dirty look Mark gave me earlier when Mum wasn’t looking.