People move on, and I don’t want them to. I want them to stay, but I’m impotent to change that process which makes people move on. I rage against change, but change is inevitable, and so I have become Don Quixote charging against windmills.
When I moved to England three years ago, yeah it’s that long, Maria and I moved apart to the point where we barely talk to each other. Back then, before I left for here, we were never out of touch. Phones, chats, IM, and social media made sure we always were in touch. Then, one day after moving here, I realised I hadn’t thought about Maria for weeks, and had a rash idea to reconnect.
This lead to a conversation of mostly silences and it dawned on me that people move on, and people change, and people don’t stay the same. I’m not fifteen anymore, I guess, and neither is she. And we’re separated by thousands of miles. But I don’t want Maria to become “a girl I used to know”. I don’t want things to change.
Yesterday I realised that the same damn thing is happening with Abbie. Last year, we were so sure we’d go through uni together; one trio against a cruel world. Except these days we meet a couple of hours each week during lectures and classes, and it feels like I’m inserting myself into his life because of nostalgia.
It feels less and less like I’m one part of a trio, and more and more like I’m the sudden fifth wheel. I don’t want Abbie to become “a guy I used to know”. We’re not sixteen anymore, against the world. I attach myself to people, and then they go away, and I don’t like it, but I also don’t know what to do to stop it. Or even if I should stop it.
I mean, if you look at it clearly, what does Abbie and I really have in common except for two years together in the same institution where it was useful for us to be friends. Now, sometimes I feel like we’re just indulging in nostalgia for what used to be. When I interrupt him with his new set of friends, it feels like I’m inserting myself into his life.
How do I solve that?