I have thought about how growing silences between old friends start to dominate a life. I mean, you’ve known someone for years, and then suddenly edges and spaces appear in place of the old friendship.
Those edges and spaces can’t be talked about because they’re also alien languages. It’s like speaking English for years, and then you discover that the conversation has more and more German in it.
The new words and phrases become frustrations because no matter how hard one tries, the new words just don’t roll off the tongue – so you avoid using them. And that just makes the edges and spaces grow and grow until at one point, you realise that the old friend has become a stranger.
The assurances of eternal friendship and absolute loyalty doesn’t matter anymore because those were made when you weren’t the same. Weird. I suppose you tell yourself that you haven’t changed – only the other person has. But then again I used to know what to say and do, but those things doesn’t work suddenly. They sound strange in my head.
I don’t know what to do to stop the growing differences. I don’t know what to do to reset. I want a manual for life; a reference book that I can look these things up in.