Unbeknownst to you lot, I have an uncanny ability to influence sports results. If I ever utter a prediction like “a team couldn’t score if the other team walked off the field”, watch that team make the net bulge impressively quickly after.

The other week before Crystal Palace played Fulham in the premier league Mark told me not to predict any goals, because I might jinx the match. That off course left me hurt, bewildered, and I sought refuge with the dogs to contemplate life, happiness, love and statistics.

I feel like I should have more understanding and compassion from the man I love, and who presumably loves me – although doubt about that creeps in when he won’t let me predict sports results. It is a stress to have this predictive power, and I try to use it responsibly, because as Ben Parker told Peter Parker (a.k.a Spiderman) upon his death, “with great power comes great responsibility”.

So, now that Premier League is over and Mark’s team Crystal Palace placed squarely in the piddling middle of the league, I am free to make sports predictions again. But now that my man is not a slave to the telly and the results until August, we’re going to have to decide what to do this summer.

We have June, July and August to fill with activity, or not. I want us to go somewhere, like Berlin or Prague. He wants to go back to Paris, because it’s close. We only have to get on the train to get there. To be honest, we only have to get on the train to go anywhere on the continent. There are other trains which leave from Paris to other capitals.

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