The best proof of how far we have fallen in this country is that even the most left-wing among us cheer for a dour, boring, and dull arch-authoritarian as our next PM. The alternative is a cheery, smiling, woman sprung from the depths of Mumsnet who worries about motherhood and the Sunday Roast.

When your mate, who otherwise spouts memorised Bakunin and Proudhon speaches dredged up from the online archives of, sigh into his beer and earnestly wish for Theresa May to win because at least then there would be a country left in which to have a revolution and line everyone up against the wall.

With the other woman, Andrea Leadsom, it is quite possible that the country would implode. It would become a black hole of contradiction, and not even the light of truth would be able to escape it.

The country would smile a rigor mortis smile while frozen in front of the weekend telly. On that telly, there would be a dose of a Martha Stewart nightmare of wholesome family values and proper conservative ideals.

It would be Alan Titchmarsh building garden fountains spraying Daily Mail holy water of hate and outrage. It would be an Alzheimer stricken Queen Elizabeth II walking across floors covered by broken glass and china on bleeding feet, smiling a demented smile and talking about the Empire.

This is why anarchists and communists, greens and social democrats, and all other assorted rabble who go under the label left-wing now sit and pray to a god they don’t believe in that a dull and demanding arch-reactionary conservative should become PM on the back of just 150 thousand votes among Tories in the home counties.

It will be horrible if Theresa May wins. It will be awful. It will be four years of hard-ship for everyone. But at least it will be a sane suffering. It will be a rational misery. It can be fought. It can be defeated, eventually. It will not be a deranged flower-perfumed descent into post-truth and delusion. And if it becomes too bad, there will always be a bolt-hole in Scotland. If Leadsom wins, then, I fear, Scotland will sink with us into the madness, because she won’t allow a new referendum. She won’t even understand the demand for one.